I was in a rendered house for a long period. I had a kind of attachment towards that house. That house gave me a lot. And I lost everything in that house only!!
I got my Appu when I was living there. I lost him there itself before I left that house!! I started my business there. I lost it before I left that house!!
My guy… he was my ‘Appu’ and I was his ‘Ammu’. We had lots of fun in that house and I have lots of golden memories also… But.., gradually, in between us…, Kity came (I have written about her in my previous scrap.) I don’t know when she entered into our life… but, my Appu changed a lot afterwards. For him, I became a stranger. I became a destroyer in his life, a headache. Once, he apologized to me about Kity, that Kity was a real time creation of him to test my sincerity. But… still I can’t believe that, Kity was his real time creation. If it was not a real time creation, I directly know that girl!! Whenever I meet her, I mingle with her gently. How could I? I was sometime wondering about that. But, I realized that, if he approached Kity, instead of me…, he might have been getting good caring from her, more attention, love, etc... than me… So, the fault is mine. And it was not her fault that she entered into our life without knowing anything about our relation. As he knows everything, he could have…
I agree with the truth and trying to elope myself from his life… even if I won’t elope myself… he might have been thrown me from his life… I afraid so…. I don’t like to face such situation. So… myself…
For all those matters, I like to blame that old house where I was staying alone for a long time. I know I got everything when I was there. But, now, before I vacate that house…, I lost my dignity, I lost my virginity, I lost my self confidence, I lost everything. Now I am an empty handed chap!! And I became keen in some bad habit like, smoking, drinking alcohol, etc, forever…
I don’t regret in that. Instead, I am enjoying myself. I am watching as a stranger that how much worst I became now in my life and how much extend I will go further!! Now, I don’t have anything to gain. I don’t have anything to even lose also. So, what should I bother?!! “NOTHING.”
ഒറ്റപ്പെടല്... അതൊരു വല്ലാത്ത വേദനയാണ്. എന്റെ ഒറ്റപ്പെടലില് നിന്നും രക്ഷപ്പെടാനായി ഒരു വൃഥാശ്രമം. എന്നിലെ നല്ലതും ചീത്തയുമായ അംശങ്ങളുടെ സ്വാംശീകരണമായി ഒരു ഏറ്റുപറച്ചിൽ.... ആരെയും വേദനിപ്പിക്കാതെ, കുറ്റപ്പെടുത്താതെ, പിന്നിട്ടവഴികളിലേക്കൊരു തിരിഞ്ഞു നോട്ടം. അറിഞ്ഞതും കണ്ടതും കേട്ടതുമായ ചില ജീവിതാനുഭവങ്ങൾ ഇവിടെ കുറിച്ചിടുന്നു. ആത്മാംശത്തെക്കാളധികം ഭാവനയും ഭാവനയേക്കാളധികം ആത്മാംശവും കൂടിക്കുഴഞ്ഞ കുറേ അനുഭവങ്ങൾ... അതാണ് "അനാമികം".
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